It's one of those evenings.  I look at this blank page and wonder why I thought I could come up with something to say more than once or twice.  But, here goes.

I am learning a lot about myself.  I have a friend--Nanci--that said on her blog that she has learned a lot about herself since beginning her journey last January and I must agree.  Somehow taking time to write out what's on my mind and verbalize the things I'm learning from being a Jesus girl  go hand in hand.  

The last few years I've learned a lot.  The way I've learned hasn't been my most favorite method, but sometimes God allows us to experience a period in our lives where we HAVE to slow down and listen to Him.  In the last 10 years I have had 6 surgeries.  I've had to use a walker, a cane, periods where I've had to stay quiet in my recliner and wait for recovery.  I used to say that "WAIT" was a four letter word I really didn't like, yet it has become a word I respect and have grown to appreciate.  I still don't always like it, but I do appreciate the things I've learned while waiting.  Most of these things have had to do with things I've feared.  

I've been looking at my first posts and realized I have listed a couple of the fears I'm learning to overcome, but maybe I should share the list of fears I'm learning to deal with.  I've shared the fear of sharing--being open and vulnerable.  I've shared insecurity.  These have been two of my greatest fears.  I've dealt with fearing death, fear of limitations--physical and emotional, being afraid I couldn't lose weight and knowing that if I don't it will increase my limitations.  I've feared being a disappointment to people I care about, both family and friends.  But  you know, the one thing that stands out to me more than any other is that I don't have one single fear that most of the world doesn't struggle with from time to time.  

I think one of the greatest lies we have to deal with as we "grow up" is "that I'm the only one."  Somehow when we are really struggling we feel alone.  We also feel that "everyone is : looking at, laughing at, talking about, pointing fingers at, disliking, is angry at" and on and on.  As I go through the year I'm sure some of these fears will trouble me again, but I hope I've learned enough to know that I'm NOT that important.  People have their own problems and insecurities to deal with and truly don't spend that much time thinking about mine.   

As I was thinking about all this the last couple of days I realized that I have wasted a lot of time hurrying up to keep a lot of other people happy.  I have missed out on a lot of things that have been right in front of me to enjoy because I thought I HAD to get this or that done NOW.  I thought I had to do what someone else expected me to do without thinking about what was really important for me to do at that particular moment.  I'm 60 years old.  I am planning on enjoying every moment of the rest of my life.  It may not go the way I want, or plan, but "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11  That's all I need to know for sure.