I Did It!

Well, for those of you who are waiting to hear what happened with my desk--I did it!!  It is so clean and so organized it's unbelievable.  I totally cleaned off the desk and area around it.  I put everything on our dining room table.  I couldn't believe what I had stashed in such a small area.  As I was piling it up on the table, I began to realize another reason I had procrastinated.  I had to make decisions.  Not just one decision, or two, but numerous decisions, and you know what?  I do not like to make decisions.  It's always, "what do you think?"  or "what do you want to do".  These were not life or death decisions.  Just decisions about where to put this or that so that I could find it again.  Is it valuable enough to take up any space on my desk or surrounding area?  What do I need to do with this item so that I can find it again when I need it?  All of these questions implied that I needed to be somewhat organized.  

When I worked as an "Administrative Assistant" temporary employee (referred to as "temp" from now on), I was super organized.  Larry would pick me up after work at some of the places and while he waited for me would be told over and over what a great job I did and how organized I was.  He would look at me and shake his head.  He could never understand how I could be SO organized in an office and so UNorganized at home.  At the offices where I "temped" I knew where everything was supposed to be--it was pointed out to me at the beginning of the job.  BUT when I got home I had to decide where to put things and thus, my dilemma. 

But, I did it.  My desk looks amazing!  Everything is cleaned and polished and organized!  I can find things because I actually labelled folders where I had placed important information.  I was able to find things I thought I had lost!  It took me three days, but it's done.  There is no longer anything from my desk or surrounding area on my table.  I feel so efficient!  Maybe now I'll be able to tackle other areas that I've avoided.  But for now--I Did It!

Thanks for the feedback.  I appreciate your comments and I'm actually enjoying being accountable to you.  AND it's been less than a week since the last blog entry.  Not much less, but an improvement.  

Old Habits Die Hard

I haven't forgotten how to do this, I have simply been procrastinating.  For a long time I have realized that I am a major procrastinator.  When I have a project I'll think about it for a while and if I think there is any risk involved I tend to put it off.  I have a great fear of failure.  I fear what people will think of me.  I started blogging because it was time to face my fears and for a while I did pretty good.  But then I found out that people are actually reading what I'm writing and fear raises it's ugly head again.  So I procrastinate.  If I don't write anything I don't have to be afraid that someone won't like what I wrote.  I know, if you aren't a procrastinator you don't understand.  

When I did children's musicals for various churches Larry has ministered to--I loved putting the music together, painting the sets, but I usually left it until it HAD to be done.  Then I could do whatever the project was because  I always had the excuse that I didn't have time to do it really well.  So if people didn't like it, it didn't reflect on me, it was because I didn't have time to do a really good job.  I know, as I write that sentence it doesn't even make sense, but at the time fear was controlling me--definitely NOT logic.  

Now I am realizing procrastination has to be eliminated.  It's definitely NOT a way to honor God.  These are things I'm doing to bring Him glory and I am not to be worrying what people will think.  What God thinks is the real question.  I want to honor Him in all that I do.  To do that I can't put the task off until the last minute and fake my way through it.  That's something I've had to confess to Him, repent of it, and know that I can't do that any more with a clear conscience.  

It's a tough habit to give up.  And that's just it, I've done it so long it has become a habit.  But it's a habit that needs to be broken once and for all.  I have been avoiding cleaning up my desk.  I've sorted through a lot of clutter and been working on other areas, but I keep looking at my desk and groaning.  If I avoid sitting here, then I can put off cleaning it up.  But if I avoid sitting here I can't get my blog written, my photos sorted, my photo book on Snapfish completed.  So, no more!  Lord willing, after music practice tomorrow morning--which is scheduled for 10 AM, I will come home and clean up my desk.  I am now accountable to everyone that reads my blog.  My blog, which I will write in at least once a week, will let you know how well I'm doing at keeping my word.  (Man the pressure is on now!)