Old Habits Die Hard

I haven't forgotten how to do this, I have simply been procrastinating.  For a long time I have realized that I am a major procrastinator.  When I have a project I'll think about it for a while and if I think there is any risk involved I tend to put it off.  I have a great fear of failure.  I fear what people will think of me.  I started blogging because it was time to face my fears and for a while I did pretty good.  But then I found out that people are actually reading what I'm writing and fear raises it's ugly head again.  So I procrastinate.  If I don't write anything I don't have to be afraid that someone won't like what I wrote.  I know, if you aren't a procrastinator you don't understand.  

When I did children's musicals for various churches Larry has ministered to--I loved putting the music together, painting the sets, but I usually left it until it HAD to be done.  Then I could do whatever the project was because  I always had the excuse that I didn't have time to do it really well.  So if people didn't like it, it didn't reflect on me, it was because I didn't have time to do a really good job.  I know, as I write that sentence it doesn't even make sense, but at the time fear was controlling me--definitely NOT logic.  

Now I am realizing procrastination has to be eliminated.  It's definitely NOT a way to honor God.  These are things I'm doing to bring Him glory and I am not to be worrying what people will think.  What God thinks is the real question.  I want to honor Him in all that I do.  To do that I can't put the task off until the last minute and fake my way through it.  That's something I've had to confess to Him, repent of it, and know that I can't do that any more with a clear conscience.  

It's a tough habit to give up.  And that's just it, I've done it so long it has become a habit.  But it's a habit that needs to be broken once and for all.  I have been avoiding cleaning up my desk.  I've sorted through a lot of clutter and been working on other areas, but I keep looking at my desk and groaning.  If I avoid sitting here, then I can put off cleaning it up.  But if I avoid sitting here I can't get my blog written, my photos sorted, my photo book on Snapfish completed.  So, no more!  Lord willing, after music practice tomorrow morning--which is scheduled for 10 AM, I will come home and clean up my desk.  I am now accountable to everyone that reads my blog.  My blog, which I will write in at least once a week, will let you know how well I'm doing at keeping my word.  (Man the pressure is on now!)