Ugh!

I have been putting off writing, not knowing what to say.  I am a procrastinator.  There I said it, I admitted it, I've let the whole world know!  Do you ever put the fun things off thinking that you have to work through the drudgery before you have any fun?  Or am I the ONLY one?  I've been doing a lot of soul searching.  (Writing a blog seems to be a platform for this).  I tend to avoid things that bring me pleasure.  I've even discovered that I can't imagine life without pain, therefore I should avoid anything that totally removes my pain.  If it's only a little or only in the evening, it's all right for me to hurt.  My doctor is trying to adjust my arthritis medication so that I do not experience pain, which in turn will make it easier for me to exercise and do things I would like to do.  But I keep thinking it's OK at this point because it's nothing compared to what I used to experience.  Somehow being totally free of pain is a foreign concept to me that I seem to believe I don't deserve.  Did you follow all that?  Last night I was in my office/play room--the place where I have all my supplies to use  for paper crafts, painting, stamping, etc.   I enjoyed myself so much that I lost track of time until my husband came in and let me know what time it was.  I asked him then, "How come I keep avoiding coming here, when I have so much fun when I do?"  He didn't have a clue.  I think I really baffled him at that moment.  I know how baffled I am when I think about it.  Somehow, I have determined that I am going to goof off and only do fun, silly, joy inducing things for one entire month.  (obviously I still have to cook, eat, and clean the kitchen, but that's it).  So from 2:08 PM Feb. 9 until 2:08 March 9 I will play, goof off, drink coffee, have fun, be silly and experience joy.  Think I can do it?  I sure am going to try.  Want to join me?  I'll be keeping tabs here on my blog to see what I'm doing and how well I'm doing it.  Oh, and by the way, the doctor wins--I will come as close to pain free 24/7 as I can.