Honesty... honestly?

The reason I'm writing this blog is to work out my responses to those things that I encounter everyday.  But one of the questions I ask myself when writing my blog is--how real will I be on Simplyme?  Do I only write about the easy things, the struggles that work out for my good, my weaknesses that don't reveal too much of who I really am?  Or do I write what my name suggests--Simplyme?

I've been struggling with this all morning.  Do I really let you in, be vulnerable enough to show you the real me?  Well, here goes--honesty.

The honest truth is, today I want to hide from the world and not let anyone see me.  The truth is I want to eat everything in sight.  The truth is I want to curl up in a ball and not move at all.  The truth is I'm in pain.  These are all of my usual responses to extreme pain.  The reason I'm sharing is that I decided when I started this journey with you that I would handle my pain, fears, and joys differently.  Instead of hiding and eating everything in sight--I'm writing.  Laying all this before you and realizing that old ways of handling this part of my life are not the best ways.  

I really did not want to go to the church this morning at 7:30 AM for TaiChi class.  I didn't want to see the other women that would be there, BUT I did it!  That was really a big thing for me.  I actually enjoyed being with the women and for a little while put aside the pain.  

I came home and after lunch of one of my protein shakes (which I love), Larry massaged my arm that was really aching; an area on my good arm that is in a lot of pain.  It hasn't hurt until lately and I'm really wanting to have a pity party and complain to the Lord.  Why my good arm?  Why? Why?  But that would not accomplish anything good for me. And to be perfectly honest that route has not helped in the past.  I know the Lord wants to hear all of our struggles and talking to Him about those struggles does help.  But complaining only makes me more miserable.  

So, I'm writing.  And you know, as I'm laying this out before you, I'm realizing that my arm does still hurt, but I don't feel so alone.  I don't feel so helpless.  Do you suppose this is why Jesus told us to bear each others burdens?  He knew if we would be willing to share our weaknesses with each other, those weaknesses would bring about strength?  

The pain is not gone.  I can't even say that it's better.  BUT my attitude about my pain is better.  There is no longer a big black cloud of doom and gloom over my head.  I am not ready to eat everything in sight.  I am able to accept my feelings as where I'm at today.  Arthritis and Fibromyalgia have days of pain.  I've had some really good days lately, so today isn't good and I'll take care of me.  I have lots to read.  I can still have a very positive day, because I've been able to be HONEST with you.