What to Write

Trying to decide what to write about is probably the most difficult part of having a blog.  There are all kinds of things I would consider, but putting my thoughts in black and white(OK purple and green) for others to read causes my internal editor to truly kick in.  I have this problem--I'm a people pleaser.  I've been one for as long as I've existed on this planet.  I do not remember ever not wanting to please people.  I know some people find this extremely difficult to understand, but I am of that strange breed of human that likes to be liked.  I will truly work at deciding the only one I have to please is God; and I'll try so hard to believe that and live it, but then I slip and I'm back to being a pleaser--again.  To write ones thoughts and publish them in any form for others to read and critique that's really stretching a comfort zone.  It's making me practice what I preach--I am a child of God and He loves me just the way I am and He's the only one I truly need to please; and the only thing I have to do to please Him is to love Him and give Him praise.  So why is this so hard?  

It's hard because I lose my focus.  When I am actively loving God and giving Him praise; spending time with Him in His word and prayer, He's all that really matters.  The ironic thing is that when I am focused on Him I find there are things I want to share with others--they just start pouring out.  I am who I really desire to be when I'm focused on Jesus.  It's when I start getting focused on peoples reactions to me that I start to flounder.  You see I end up focused on me and the more I look at myself,  the more time I spend on thinking that no one wants to hear anything I have to say.  What if I say something that makes them angry?  I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.  Nobody wants to read anything I say anyway.  Why am I doing this?  

Then I stop and I remember why I'm doing this.  I felt God wanted me to write.  (He's also used our kids to tell me so.)  He has blessed me with an incredible story of love and as I write on my blog I'm learning how to share my life filtered through His hands.  I give the words to Him to put together His way and then I write.  What comes out are the words He's giving me today.  His word, His story, put together His way.  I have nothing and no one to fear.